This is some blog love! I’m probably getting ready to leave for the airport about now and wringing my sweaty hands and hoping I didn’t forget to pack anything. Tomorrow at this time I’ll probably still be sleeping after flying all day today. I checked for free WiFi in the airports and of course mine are the ones that don’t indulge its travelers with the wonderful world of internet. No matter! That’s why I planned ahead for this! Wednesday I will probably be baking eight cakes, whipping up giant batches of chocolate and white buttercream and cranking my iPod to the “lose my hearing” volume in order to keep some sort of sanity. I’ll probably be freaking out and sweating bullets and praying to God that this cake reaches its full potential with me at the helm. I haven’t done this in years so to say that I am nervous is an understatement bulging at the seams. Because I probably don’t have internet, I have prepared a little blog snack. I feel like June Cleaver making lunches the night before, but I know it would be a long week without it so congratulations! I love you enough to pre-write a blog.
Alright, I’ve been saving this in my arsenal for a time when I would really need something fast and furiously funny.
Oliver (Oviler) and I have plenty of stories to share but this one is definitely in the top three.
Oliver loves to play with my hair. He’s like a five year old girl with a teasing comb and what he lacks in girl parts he makes up for in squeals and enthusiastic giggling. Just add a skirt! So one night after yoga, he grabbed a brush and hair ties and did unmentionable things to my hair. Sure, explaining them would be easy enough as I took on the personas of strange looking children and Samurai warriors but the pictures are priceless. Luckily for you, I have zero shame. So in an effort to completely embarrass myself in the pursuit of laughter, I give you the creations of Oliver.
Uh Oh...
OW! (for real this hurt)
really hurt...
uh... what's going on up there?
what you can't see is everyone dying of laughter. this is my infamous retard face.
kallay lou who!?
samarai!!!!!! i keel you...
A week went by, another yoga class was had, dinner was served and Oliver once again wanted my hair for dessert. It started off with me in my yoga garb and innocent pigtails. It was like extended yoga. I sat there with my getting my hair styled gaze, you know, that feeling when someone is brushing your hair and sweeping it up into an updo, be it pigtails or a French Twist and you escape into another world. The relaxed stare you achieve when you’re thinking of nothing and being pampered. I adore that feeling. I was floating along in my euphoria and from far away I heard the words “tease” and “epic” and loud gaysian laughing. All of a sudden, pigtails are being ripped from my skull and Oliver is transforming me into a hungry lioness. And because it’s me… And because it’s Oliver… Nothing good could come of this. There is nothing clean about our humor. We’re a couple of sick, twisted individuals who happen to connect on the dirtiest level of likemindedness when we’re together. Highly disturbing, highly entertaining. We really could be a circus side show or even the opening act of some insane comedy improv group. Unfortunately we are separated by miles and miles. Fortunately, this event was documented. Take the food out of your mouth right now. I’m not going to be responsible for anyone choking on Cheetos. Alright, go ahead. Scroll…
Half Woman, Half Child (or an 80/20 split...who knows?)
it looks like i'm, well, you know what it looks like i'm doing.
yeah, he's pretending to hump my head, while i sit by oblivious...
the last semi-normal picture... aw, pigtails!
OMG WTF!?
the infamous face...
cheese!!!!!! (ball)
just add nuts!
trying out my monkey face.
scary goat... or "choose your own caption here"
nobody does short bus like this girl... oliver couldn't stop laughing long enough to hold his pose. amateur!
literally saying "oh shit"
he knows what's up! i love how serious he looks.
then he gets scared...
but continues on, ripping the hair from my scalp.
kitty purr...
kitty bathe...
kitty growl! (fave quote from facebook: GOING TO HUNT GAZELLES! BRB!)
i are hawt.
wow...
pretending everything is normal and checking facebook.
hey look! there's caroline! (also attempting normal)
kitteh sez "meh iz necks!"
Would you believe that my hair brushed completely out? No tangles, no tears. Oliver is a master and I am his muse. His own personal Barbie doll. His glamazon. Hope you enjoyed! Next time I’ll tell you about the time we blew up condoms and played balloon wars. I’ll let you soak this one in first though.
See you next week! 
Kallaydoscope is my view of my world. It’s colorful and intriguing and also, kind of a mess, if not always highly entertaining.
Ok now that I’ve finally stopped laughing long enough to type:
If someone had done something like that to my head, it would have to be shaved afterwards. I can’t believe he got all those tangles out. I’m impressed, Oliver. Very impressed.
Which kitteh is that!? He/she reminds me of my Oskie!
WE MISS YOU ALREADY, KAL!!
Dude. Duuuuude.
You. Are. SEXY!!!
This is SO funny! My hair would have never come out of that, not in a million years. I always let my boyfriend’s little sister play with my hair but she always seems to beat my head with the hair brush. She’s only 6 but still, that shit hurts!!!
holy crap, you look like Kate Hudson!!
Have fun, girl!!
Dude. Seriously, the scary goat is a FREAKING SCARY GOAT. WTF??
I wish i had a presh girlieboy to play with my hair all day. It’s obviously where all the fun is at.
I can’t stop laughing at the scary goat face!!!
Oh my gosh, funniest thing I’ve seen in quite a while. Love the kitty bathe. I worked with a girl who did that way too often. You are hawt
LOL, Oliver’s facial expression is priceless! That pretty much made my blogging world day .. hahah that and all of your hairdo’s.
BAHAHAHA! oh my God, i totally miss those days.
kallay, i miss your hair….(and boobs)
and your cooking….
and your laugh…..
asian’s sad now. i’m going to go eat my feelings
Caroline! Let’s go get gyros!
Ha! That’s exactly what I was wondering at the end…how in the hell did you get that all brushed out?!? I would have had to dump at least a liter of conditioner on my head. Wow.
I agree with Monique, you do so look like Kate Hudson. A beautiful mess. LMAO!
Ok, the last few with the crazy hair had me rolling. That is so “crazy cat lady”! Love it!
Oh my gosh that is HYSTERICAL! You should totally rock that hair while going to the grocery store or something =-)
Oh, my word, you MUST take that to the streets and photo-blog it! Priceless!
I’m bookmarking this blog for days when I need a laugh…too funny for words. Thanks for thinking of us poor, deprived bloggers while you’re sweating it out with sugar and more sugar.
I forgot how dark Oliver was this summer. Yikes!