We’re going to the Chapel. Eventually.

I’m coming back, with no promises of superior writing and/or discipline, but I’m coming back. I just need to
write. I’ve been lurking around reading about all of your fine adventures this past week. (I’m talking to you, state hopping Ally and you, cwab cwacking Salt! And the Fab Bitch and Christine and so, so many more.) I’ve been following along on Daffy’s misadventure as well and since I have a dear big sister of my own, who oddly enough is the same age as her Big Sister (June 1974), it struck a chord and left me heartbroken for her and her family. My condolences, sincerest prayers for strength and permissions to fall apart are all sent her way. I do not even want to begin to imagine this world without my hilarious sister, because it sounds awful. I’ve probably posted this poem before but it’s one of my absolute favorites. When Fred died I found this poem and was somehow comforted by the thought of our beloved waiting for us. So this is for Daffy:

Should You Go First
by Albert Kennedy “Rosey” Rowswell

Should you go first and I remain,
To walk the road alone,
I’ll live in memory’s garden, dear,
With happy days we’ve known.
In Spring I’ll wait for roses red,
When fades the lilac blue,
In early Fall when brown leaves call
I’ll catch a glimpse of you.

Should you go first and I remain,
For battles to be fought,
Each thing you’ve touched along the way
Will be a hallowed spot.
I’ll hear your voice, I’ll see your smile,
Though blindly I may grope,
The memory of your helping hand
Will buoy me on with hope.

Should you go first and I remain,
To finish with the scroll,
No length ‘ning shadows shall creep in
To make this life seem droll.
We’ve known so much of happiness,
We’ve had our cup of joy,
And memory is one gift of God
That death cannot destroy.

Should you go first and I remain,
One thing I’d have you do:
Walk slowly down that long, lone path,
For soon I’ll follow you.
I’ll want to know each step you take
That I may walk the same,
For some day down that lonely road
You’ll hear me call your name.

So, now that we’re all sobby and sniffy, let me try and lighten the mood. I have news. Lots and lots of headline news. So let’s do it this way…

In the past two months I have…

*caught a large fish!

gimme big kees fishy fishy

*gained 12 pounds!

*gotten engaged!

yes, his hands are that dark. farmer's tan!!

*and then married!

hitched!

And there’s more! But you’ll have to wait for that until tomorrow. I’ll give you a clue though, because I’m kind.

Two plus Three = FIVE!?

But Two plus Two = FOUR! Which is still a big number in this scenario.

I’ll talk more about this tomorrow too, but I’ve also gotten some disappointing news too. First, my school ended up only giving me $500 for the semester which barely covers UH class and the books. That’s what? Fuck number one. Fuck number two is that I haven’t found a job to replace and/or supplement my other job as a caregiver for the old and frail. There’s a lot going on in this equation. Number one, my availability isn’t that fantastic right now. It’s basically office job or bust. Plus, because of a recent um… health “issue”, there are some jobs that are just kind of… well, they’re out. So I’ve applied to be a receptionist at hair places, spas, some sort of factory office and of course for customer service since I a) have experience and b) was once THE customer service for a company taking upwards of 100+ calls per day and rocking it. That was also 10 years ago and the company isn’t even on my resume anymore. The Hubs Band wants to redecorate my resume, which isn’t a bad idea, but I’m starting to think that if I can’t get a job with all of the management experience that I have on my resume from the past 5 years, it’s time to get more creative than a spiffed up resume. Luckily for me, I’m a Pisces. And luckily for me, I can do creative. Plus, luckily for me, I have an idea. A few actually.

You know those t-shirts? With the stupid crap funny sayings on the front? I’m kind of great at those. Question is, how does one think of a funny saying, make the t-shirt and then sell it without someone stealing one’s saying and then making a shirt of their own? HM? So my other idea is coffee cups. Because I always see cute ones at Starblehcks, but they always say STARBLEHCKS on the side. No. Thanks! So I thought, why not just paint my own? We happen to have a pottery shop here in town (thumb up!) and I don’t suck at painting (other thumb up!)! I also thought about self-hosting the blog, which I was going to do back in March for BIRTHDAY but then gave myself the gift of (expensive) health instead. Because three hour glucose tests are the new black. Duh. I’m hesitant about advertising. I see blogs that have ads for days and honestly, I don’t even think twice about them. (Sorry.) I don’t click them. (Sorry!) I don’t look at them. (SORRY!) So advertising here seems like it might be kind of a waste of time/money. But I’m thinking about it. Do you advertise on your blog? Is it worth your time/money? Do you *really* make an income from it?

I have a couple more ideas too, but these three are the better options mostly because the time and money invested would have a larger turn around. This would make The Hubs Band very happy since he loves money and not much else. (This concerns Wife… that is all.) So we’ll see where this goes. I’m looking into more freelance writing gigs as well and considering submitting some articles to my local newspapers to see if I can score some sort of column. I’m not really in a position where I have a lot to lose so why not? It’s not like I haven’t been rejected before. (I’m talking to YOU ex-boyfriends.)

So other than money, how’s married life?

Well, as you know, Ryan and I only met a short time ago. As much as he pisses me off sometimes, I love him fiercely and he forces me to be patient. (Didn’t I ask God for more of that recently? Funny, how he “gives us what we ask for”.) I’m not going to tell you that everything has been fairy dust and glitter balls, because that would be dishonest. I will tell you that it’s been real. Raw. Emotional. A blessing and a curse. Ryan and I have been through a lot in the past few months. More than most new couples I would say. In some ways, it draws us closer together, in others, it pushes us so far apart that sometimes I wonder how in the hell we’re going to find our way back to each other. Back to our happy place. The only real answer (for me) is to have faith. To believe that God has something planned for us that is better than we could design for ourselves. In so many ways, God has provided this for us already. I pray every day that He will continue to bless us and I will continue to praise Him for all He does in our lives. We have work ahead of us and we’re going to have to work together. All of the advice I have received has led me to believe this: (more on some days than others, I’m human after all) If we draw near to each other and draw near to God as a couple and as individuals, we will get through this. Marriage is not an individual sport; we can not swim our own race and expect to be anything but competitors.

We didn’t have the big wedding with all of our Very Important People present. We do plan to “do it right” in the future though. Probably next summer. We want to be married with a pastor, first and foremost, and we want to have our friends and family all present to witness the event. Those are the most important things. The other details are the icing on top. For the record, Ryan smashed my face with cake this time so next time, thank God, there will be no cake shoved up my nose. Good does come from Bad!

I did have pretty flowers though. (thanks mommy!)

So pretty... and perfectly pink!

I wore pink.

And so did Ryan... with pride even!

And we made cupcakes the night before for our wedding. It was our bachelor and bachelorette party. (thanks MOM! hahaha!) Plus, I was craving yellow cake with chocolate frosting from a can and sugar sprinkles. And. Score.

delicious!!

Ryan's Horny Pink Cupcake (aka... well, me.)

Lots to talk about tomorrow. (<— that's so mean.)

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