Just Call Me Helen

Have you ever had anyone hit you in the ear with a bat?

Me either. But if I did… I imagine it would feel something like this.

Thank God for pain killers.

I had my surgery Monday to repair my ruptured ear drum and to remove a growth on the bone behind my ear. Pardon my technical terms, the pain killers are working. I felt pretty decent Monday night, probably because I still had “the good stuff” running through me and the anesthesia hadn’t completely worn off. Which might also explain this picture:

I mean, really.

This was supposed to be me doing a thumbs up, but instead, because of the pulse monitor, it looks like I’m pointing to my braless boob. Thanks to my posture, it looks just lovely. My husband, the photographer.

And this one:

My Hello Kitty Bow.

And yes, this one, too:

Look out, Etsy! Headwraps are the new floral headbands!

I felt like I was half Princess Leia, half 80s hair band. Just call me Princess Def. (as in Leppard, or as in deaf.)

Another problem arose when I tried to arrange my glasses somewhere in the vicinity of my face, where does the right arm go? I tried folding it in, but that just split my vision and was pointless. We tried removing the arm of the glasses, to no avail, because we couldn’t find a screwdriver small enough. Even the screwdrivers made for glasses weren’t doing the job. So, with a little bit of imagination and some Scotch tape, we came up with this:

Not ideal, but better than blind!

I have to say, it’s a humbling experience being both half deaf and mostly blind. I really feel for Helen Keller, the poor dear. We took the bandage off last night and my ear is sticking straight out, which the doctor says will go back to normal when the swelling goes down. I feel a little bit like Sloth from the Goonies, with my glasses all cock-eyed and my ear all huge. You know, this guy:

Thankfully, we’ve had a ton of help with the girls and we haven’t had to do this alone. I’m in no condition to be carrying a twenty pound child around, that’s for sure. The girls were very happy to see us, even though they were a little confused at first.

All in all, it hasn’t been that bad. Last night and this morning have been the worst for pain, but I think it should only get better from here. Plus, when your bestie sends you one these for a get well present? You can’t be hurting for very long.

Happy Hump Day!

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