Does your husband snore, hit you in the face, and then wake up complaining that he “hardly got any sleep last night”?
Do you slam around on your side of the bed all night trying to find the special spot where nothing hurts and the cat still has room?
Speaking of cats, do you wake up with a cat on your face?
Well, mine does and I do, which is why we need a new bed.
We have a queen size bed that I bought when I lived in Knoxville for a steal. It was fine for just me and my pets when I was a single girl, but now that I have to share? It’s mostly hell. Like having to watch a sex scene in a movie with your mom hell. The mattress is a standard non-pillow top springy mess with a blue covering and a box spring. We bought those plastic supports that go under the wheels of your bed frame because a) I like to literally climb into bed and feel like a Princess and b) I needed to store our shoes under the bed and our bed frame was a half an inch too short for my storage bins. Figures.
I can tell you how many times the bed has fallen off of the supports, and all of the stories that go with them, but the lessons are mostly all the same:
1. Don’t sit on the edge of the bed without someone sitting on the other edge of the bed.
2. Don’t accidentally bump into the side of the bed while doing laundry.
3. Don’t jump into bed and/or ever, ever have sex in the bed.
4. When making the bed, don’t ram the sheet corners under the mattress if you’re in a hurry. Best to just leave them hanging.
5. Check under the bed for the cat prior to all of the above.
Beyond the fact that our lives are in near jeopardy each time we climb into bed for a nice long night of flipping and flopping around pretending to sleep, the bed has morphed into a taco.
You know… you get into bed, get all comfy cozy, and then suddenly everything and everyone in the bed has smashed into the middle and all you need is a bit of lettuce and sour cream.
We wake up with our spines looking like wrung out dish towels; neck pain, lower back pain, knee pain, and golly are we pleasant! And also, a chiropractor’s wet dream.
Suffice it to say, we need a new bed. We need a vast tundra of memory foam firmness, a princess height bed for all of our storage needs without the chance of death and/or dismemberment, and if it wouldn’t be too much to ask, we need a one year old who sleeps soundly all through the night.
I can’t tell you how excited I was last night when I found out that we could actually win something of the sort, and so can you. If we win this bed, I’ll be jollier than a recipient of a WalMart layaway pay-off! Mark my words!